Chain Letter

FINALLY A CHAIN LETTER THAT I LIKE!

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity,
fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and
guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent
to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then
that poor fucking 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her
forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed
before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak
show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh,
looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get
laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of
fucking bullshit.

So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out
there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain
mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come
into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing
the chain which was started by Ceaser in 5 A.D. and was brought to
this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it
to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records
for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

Fuck them!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly fucking amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your
closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being
will somehow receive a Nickel from some omniscient being'. I don't
fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what
you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances
are it's your own unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)
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> >>Make a wish!!!
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> >>Keep Scrolling
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> >>No, really, go on and make one!!!
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> >>Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
> >>Wish something else!!!
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> >>Not that, you pervert!!
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> >>STOP!!!!
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> >>Wasn't that fun? :)

> >>Hope you made a great wish :)

> >>Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if
> >>you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will
> >>be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile
> >>of manure.
> >>
> >>It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS
> >>one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
> >>
> >>*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
> >>sending them a stupid chain letter.
> >>
> >>*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
> >>sending them a stupid chain letter.
> >>
> >>*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you
> >>for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your
> >>life.
> >>
> >>*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you
> >>for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
> >>Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
> >>

Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be
saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be
donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.

Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails
sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach
out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6
people, you will die instantly.
Thanks again!!

Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This
is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and
probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the
next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a
crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a
waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could
happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and
went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for
eternity.

This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just
like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser
friends, and everything will be okay.

Chain Letter Type 4

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
Send it to all your friends.

FRIENDS:

A friend is someone who is always at your side.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit,
and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a
hat full of assholes.
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled
yourself.
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry
about your sad, sad life.
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really
think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious
dogs.
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets
the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry
that's the cleaning lady.
A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he
wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete
it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them
feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been
tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5
cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end
up like Miranda. Right?

Now Send this to everyone on your email list to prove how Fucking Right i am!
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Cheerz