Continuation of the Downward Spiral

Today has been a good day in comparison to yesterday. I guess I was surprised that I was still alive. I thought I wouldn't be able to take the pain anymore. I was so close to just snapping, so close to just letting go, and giving it all up. It has been a while since the first pain stabbed me right when I wasn't expecting it. It hurted so much. People keep telling me that things would be be better, yet it hasn't gotten any better, just worst and worst. Everytime I keep my hopes up, everytime I think to myself things will get better sooner or later, and everytime I pretended to be happy so everyone else around is happy. But everytime my hopes were shattered, tears fell, and I kept falling deeper and deeper into this hell hole. Only expect the worst, nothing but the worst. Maybe this is all a trial, a test, I just wish this nightmare would end. God, I know that you would not tempt me beyond what I can handle, but in all honesty, I don't know how much more I can endure before I snap and cross to the other side.

Today:
I woke up and I found myself all alone in my house. I got ready and headed out to have lunch with Tiff. Begin able to go out was indeed a pleasure, my injuries got a lot better therefore it wasn't that difficult getting to the Golden Elephant. Tiff and I sat in the Golden Elephant for at least 2 hours just chatting and eating. It was great just being able to relax and forget all the bad things that happened. The food was delicious, we shared a super spicy (hot) soup and we each got a bowl of noodles. The conversations was hilarious. Afterwards we headed over to Tiff's house in the rain, when we got to her house, I met her Grandpa, who was a very nice man. We continued to chat for another hour or so. During our conversation, I called Lee so that he could start to head over to Tiff's so we could go out for dinner. We waited and chatted and waited, but he didn't show up for over an hour. I started to worry and panic, (yes, I do think better under pressure) I looked out the window to check for see whether Lee was coming. At that moment, I realized that I gave him the wrong address. With no way of reaching him, Tiff and I headed out to look for him, and as I was just planning to bus home to see whether he was at my house, Lee ran into us. Thank God, I found him. I swear only Lee would stick around for an hour looking for the house. Even Tiff was like "I can't believe he stuck around looking for us, like any other guy would have just left. That is so nice." Yes I know I have the best boyfriend ever. After that we headed back to my house, chilled and talked for a bit, did some stuff for the yard sale, went out for sushi, (I swear the waitress and the chef knows us like so well now because we have gone so much) and chilled back at my house.

Thanks Tiff for sharing with me today, it was wonderful chilling with you.
Thanks Alan for the funny email.
Thanks Cuddlebear for being patient with me today for being such an screw up and a idiotic bitch.
Thanks God for being with me, protecting me and loving me through it all.